I don't understand

 Hi God,

It's me again. 

I'm pretty sure you know that I try to build an attachment to Oppa again.

I don't understand God why I have been doing it. Is love irrational? Or simply I'm just stupid! 

It's already past 5 years since I know him and still, this affinity is going nowhere. I can't control my heart to stop thinking about Oppa. But actually, I want to stop.

I always repeat my wishes, that if he is the one please make it clear, if not just throw him away. But I always end up back again to him, again, and again. I dunno it is a God sign or my selfishness. 

How long do I have to stay in this unidentified connection? I'm tired but I can't let him go. 

God, I know you know my hopes. Help me 😭